


The Second Break-up

by uwujii



Series: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020 [7]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, M/M, Self-Worth Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:55:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27436930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uwujii/pseuds/uwujii
Summary: Two years of holding onto nothing, it was time Akaashi let go.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Series: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020 [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1995433
Kudos: 11
Collections: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020





	The Second Break-up

**Author's Note:**

> Day 7 (Tier 1 & 3) : Goodbyes + Freeday
> 
> tw// break-up, self-worth issues

It's been two years since we first broke up; it was through the phone. 

I hated breaking up through the phone, so he agreed to meet up with me the next day to end things officially. We met up at a cafe, and he was there first. There, I realized, I didn't want to lose him; I loved him too much to do that. 

So, I begged. 

"Koutarou, please." 

I remember myself beg. He didn't want to look at me then, but I knew I still had him wrapped around my finger somehow. When he finally did, I saw the guilt in his eyes; I saw the pain. 

I thought he was in pain because he was the one who broke up with me. Little did I know he felt like that because I reached a point where I begged.

I pleaded; I asked for ways for us to work. I tried to make amends for anything I would have done for him to break up with me. 

He simply told me he didn't love me anymore. 

But I still begged, I continued to tell him that I love him, that I'd do anything for it to work, for us to work, for us to rekindle our love. To find where it went, to show him that I was still worth his time. 

"Okay, Keiji, let's try again."

I was happy then; we were together again; I still had him. I didn't lose him, and that's what mattered. I wouldn't know what would happen if I lost him. I couldn't see a world where I had to live without him being in my life. 

I held onto him like I was on life support. 

"I love you, Koutarou." 

"I know."

I never received those three words ever again. 

It was clear to me that we were in a relationship where it was one-sided. He never said I love you anymore, he never asked how my day went, he never told stories of how his went, he never worried about me, he never asked anything that I was doing. Our chats were silent. 

But I was persistent. 

I was never the type to start a conversation, but I filled our chats with questions, with stories, with anything that would continue us talking. Soon, I began to do everything in my power for us to keep going. 

We were in college, and we were in different universities, so it meant we had to meet halfway if ever we had to meet up. He never met up with me halfway. I met up with him near his university, always near his university. Not mine, not in the middle, just his. 

It was tiring, yes. I ran myself ragged for him, yes. But I always thought that if you loved someone, you'd do more than a mile just to be with them. So, I did those extra miles.

But received nothing in return. 

We never went on dates anymore. I would ask him to go get coffee with me like before, but he either declined or would make up a reason not to meet up with me. He started lying too, and he knew damn well that I could tell.

He blatantly lied in front of me or through chat. We rarely met up anymore because he never had the time to go near my university, and I was busy with my own classes. But, I tried my best to go to his, to meet up with him even though I get tired and only spend a few minutes with him.

I gave him gifts for his birthday and for Christmas. He gave me presents on those occasions too, but I feel as though they're forced and out of pity. But, I still took them and treasured them. A part of me was happy that I was given at least something, even if it was out of pity. 

I gave him valentine's chocolates. I always created homemade ones and was always sure to write small notes to remind him to drink water after eating. I was always happy to give him something, but whenever he received it, I never got at least a thank you. 

All I get is, "It's too sweet." 

We fought a few times, and now, he has this anger towards me that I can't figure out what. He's always angry with me; the old Koutarou never was. I was confused, but I always convinced myself that it was my fault, and apologize, even though it was always his. 

Some fights, I had to call him. In some arguments, he'd ignore me. Some conflicts, we'd have to meet up to fix things, and when that happens, it's always me going the extra mile. Always going where it was convenient for him, and never for me. It always stressed me out, but I always brushed it off.

I missed a few classes for him, just to meet him. I didn't mind back then; all I cared about was meeting up with him. I quietly hoped that he cared about me missing my classes, but he was always indifferent and changed the topic. 

I still loved him, even though I knew well that I was the only one in this relationship. I was the only one carrying us. I used to be the one who was quiet and listening to all his stories, but now I'm the one pestering him and telling him mine. Even if it didn't make sense, even if there was no connection to our conversation, I was still going to try even if I was exhausting myself. 

I did everything just to keep him. I was hoping and praying that through the relationship, he would love me back again. But a year passed, and still, nothing happened. He still acted the same way just right after we broke up. 

It hurt, yes. It always hurt. I was always hurting. I gave out caps locked laughter; I gave out emojis that showed how I 'felt,' I always showed that I was happy. Why shouldn't I be? I still have him. He's still mine; he's still with me. 

At least I hoped.

The two-year mark came by, and I realized a few things. I started to question why I was doing this; why I was doing so much for him. Why was I giving out all my time and energy for a person that has already told me and shown me that he didn't love me anymore? 

Perhaps I was just tired of school.

But a week later, those thoughts didn't stop. If anything else, there were more questions in my head.

Why was I giving all my love and support to someone who wouldn't even look my way and do the same? Why was I holding onto him as if I were to die if I let go? Why was I going the extra mile for someone who wouldn't go as little as a meter for me? Why did I think, begging for him two years ago was a good idea? 

Perhaps I was just stressed about school and was taking it out on him.

Another week passed, and the thoughts didn't leave. I noticed myself not trying anymore, not trying to talk to him constantly, not trying to meet up with him, not trying to make him something. I was no longer trying to keep him. 

It dawned on me that all the while I was trying to keep him, I was losing myself in the process. I was doing everything in my power to keep him, to keep us. I made myself think that he was everything I needed, that without him, I would be nothing. That without him, I had nothing. 

I was finally done. I was finally tired. 

I was finally ready to let go, to say goodbye. 

Which leads me to the phone call I'm in right now—the second break-up. 

"What did you need to talk about?" Bokuto asked. I released a breathe that I had been holding the whole time, "it's time, Bokuto-san." Oh, how odd that felt rolling off my tongue. It had been years since I called him that. 

There was a pause, "okay." I smiled to myself; he didn't try to stop me. That was the final straw. 

"Thank you for letting me love you for the past two years, Bokuto-san. Please take care of yourself and be happy. Goodbye."

**Author's Note:**

> if i told you i was akaashi would u believe me
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/koukofii)


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